Coming to another land that speaks a foreign language is great for avoiding those achy little nuances of your home country.

Like the provincial day-to-day gossip regarding celebrities or the political scandals that ultimately never amount to anything substantial. Riding the bus or subway no longer yields the frustration of overhearing about somebody’s pregnant fourteen-year-old daughter anymore. Or how about the old staple — religio-crazies knocking on your door aspiring to convert?

Actually, slow down that running image of blissful ignorance – you won’t be able to escape that. It would seem the need to force a certain world view on others is near universal (though I suppose nobody should be surprised about that).

Don’t be shocked if you get a random caller some day with pamphlets, calling cards or magazines (just like a professional Jehovah Witness at home) telling you about the way the world actually works.

I’ve had three of these unwanted visitors to my home in my two years here. That’s not an unbearable amount, but I have also been accosted in the bus terminal and on the street many a time by Koreans who speak unbelievably good English — especially watch out for impeccably dressed (usually in spanking suits) Korean men standing aimlessly on the street.

It’s actually strikingly similar to home. After about three seconds of their talk, you know what they’re doing.

Questions abound: Am I happy? Do I feel stressed? Or my favorite – do I feel like I have enough time in my life? It was a lead-in to a magazine hand-out, which asked the same question.

(The answer to the question if you’re wondering was “no I don’t, but actually I have to run at the moment, I have an appointment to catch” – apt, now that I think of it)

What I learned so you don’t have to

I have learned from Korean Christian pamphlets that though I may feel short on time now, if I live properly I can have all the time I want in heaven (convenient, that).

Also, there is a hidden ruler of the world who forces the hand of man. Is it the Free Masons? The Rockerfeller family? Nope, it’s Satan! He’s been in Korea this whole time and he’s why people use “gas chambers, concentration camps, napalm bombs, flamethrowers, and other heinous methods” to kill each other.

I guess that explains Kim Jong Il and the Cheonan sinking. If it weren’t for Satan, they wouldn’t have to have US soldiers in Korea and the North and South would be together as one.

The lesson behind this is – don’t become open to everything when you travel abroad. Korean religious converters are about as uninteresting as the ones at home.

Seriously, I’d be all for it if somebody stopped me and tried to convert me to Buddhism. It would be a coveted cultural experience. But I’ve had the first 24 years of my life devoted to avoiding Christ’s church. I’m damned sure I’m not going to get roped in now.